Fear

With it being October...

Have I told you that lately? That's it's October? And my favorite month? I have? Oh, my b.

... I thought it would be a good time to talk about some fears that have been on my mind lately.

Laziness:

When I was young, I was super active. I loved running outside and playing.

In elementary schoo, middle school, high school and even some of college, I played soccer religiously and was always involved in some kind of sport. I didn't mind running around and I sure didn't care what I ate.

BOOM!

Adult life happened.

Now I work an 8 hour job, where I sit in front of the computer daily.

And, and you might be surprised, but it is exhausting.

So when I get home, the last thing I want to do is work out.

And I still have my "healthy" eating habit (and by healthy I mean "I can eat a lot").

Basically, I've gained weight. Not a ton. And most people probably wouldn't really notice.

But I do. And I really want to lose it. Mostly, I want a healthier lifestyle.

The problem: I'm lazy.

I'm fearful that I won't overcome my laziness and actually get my butt up and back in shape.

Selfishness:

I have the most incredible husband. Really, I do.

The King really does treat me like his queen.

If I need ANYTHING, he will find a way to provide it.

If I want ANYTHING, he will do his best to get it for me.

I have this horrible habit of letting him serve me hand and foot.

The problem is that I used to be this really independent person and I rely too much upon my husband.

I'm talking about things like, "Hey AMOOOOOOORRRR, will you please get me a glass of water?" while he is painting a room across the house and I'm sitting on the kitchen floor. 

Like I said. I rely too much on him.

I need to spoil him more. I need to not be so selfish and I need to get him the glass of water instead.

And just treat him right.

I'm fearful he will realize how selfish I am and have to try a little harder to love me.

Blogging:

I took the almost six month hiatus from blogging.

It was really scary at first and then I completely forgot about it.

Then, one day, I felt like I had something to write about again.

I bucked up, put my big girl panties on, and started blogging again.

THEN, I started to peruse the blogopshere again.

None of my former bloggy friends were there, or they had left me far in the dust.

I almost don't recognize that world I used to love SO MUCH.

I didn't even really know where to start to find those genuine blogs that I would love to read.

I don't even know how to forge the relationships anymore.

It has all changed too much.

I'm fearful that I might re-not find my passion in blogging.

Book Club:

A lot of my friends kept saying that they wanted to be in a book club and meet new people.

So, I started a book club for them to meet new people.

They all keep bailing.

And it makes me really sad, because I never bail on their stuff.

I'm fearful that this new book club that I'm not really doing for myself, but for my friends, will end up being like the Blogger Book Club that I was co-host of.... something that ended up dying because no one ever really joined.

Traveling in NYC:

I'm also super terrified of traveling from JFK to Manhattan via train at 11 pm at night when we fly in.

But what the hey... I get to go in the first place, so that's good enough for me!

I have SO MUCH to be grateful for, but sometimes, you can't appreciate them until you voice your fears, even if it is just so you can hear them out loud. Even if it is to try to face them and change them.